Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Why Does Marriage Matter?

It is always surprising to me (though I suppose it shouldn't be, in the world that we live in these days) when people say that marriage doesn't matter anymore. I do agree that some of the value has been taken out of marriage- 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, a statistic that we've been beat over the head with over the past few years, whether as an offhand joke by a pessimistic friend or through some "breaking study" told by a journalist on television. Couples these days don't seem to value marriage the way that those in the past have. Our society has become one of spouses who cheat, spouses who devalue, and spouses who give up. However, the institution of marriage has not lasted through all of these centuries for no reason at all. Though the roots of marriage date back to when marriage was merely an arrangement where one traded their daughter to a good family for livestock or money, it grew into an important show of love. When you get married, you are showing that you want to be with that person forever.

Marriage is a sacred promise to stick by someone, through thick and thin, and place their needs above yours. When you meet someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with, marriage should never be out of the question. The prevalent argument is that marriage is just a ring and a piece of paper, but it is much more than that. It is committing to love one person forever. It is committing to make the endless effort to work out whatever problems you have or will have in the future so that, at the very end, even when you think that no one else is there, your spouse is. Your spouse is your only lover, your best friend, your confidante. Your spouse is there with you, on the front lines of life every single day, to be the one person that supports you, loves you, and makes you feel like everything will be okay. As the "Why Marriage Matters" tag line goes, "It says 'We are Family' in a way that nothing else can".

Moreover, children who are raised in a home with two parents are undeniably better off in life. I'm definitely not saying that there is anything wrong with single mothers-I was raised by a single mother myself, and in our situation, I wouldn't have had it any other way. It's what some women have to do, and for them to step up to the plate and be both mother and father is not only admirable, but often, damn near impossible (ditto for the rising number of single dads-the number of homes in the United States where a father was raising his children without their mother rose 62 percent over the past 10 years). But this is precisely why marriage matters. The hard truth is that, when a couple is married and has made the commitment, it makes it undeniably harder to walk away from each other, their children, and the life that they have created together. There is more of a want to work things out, instead of a want to throw in the towel and go sleep on some ones couch until the next partner in line comes along. When you are married to someone, you realize that at one point in time, you loved this person so much that you decided to commit to them, and only them, and when you decided to commit to them, it meant committing to their flaws, to your life together, and to any problems and situations that arise. When marriages end in divorce, the children often do not understand that it is not their fault, no matter how many times you tell them. If you tell a child that you simply don't love each other anymore, more often than not their thought becomes, "Well, they can love each other again and get back together! They're mom and dad". Children look up to their parents-both of them. And when children don't have that support, it is a proven fact that their grades often begin to suffer, they withdraw from social activities and their feelings become unhealthily internalized, resulting in poorer overall health. Stability and support are essential to children, and having children while being married gives them that sense of support and stability.

Marriage also provides endless benefits for the couple that is married. Married men and women are reported to have longer lives than those who are not married. Married women are reported to have significantly lower instances of depression (postpartum and general) and mental illness, most likely because of the wealth of support that often comes from having a supportive partner and a supportive family unit. Married couples are also less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, and this rate is especially (surprisingly?) lower for men. Compare these statistics to those of couple who are divorced or single. Divorce doubles the rate of suicide and mental illness in both men and women, while single individuals are about four times more likely to be generally unhappy in life. Divorced and single women also have an average domestic abuse rate of 14 percent, compared to married couples, where the abuse rate is currently at 5 percent. Married people are also twice as likely to report being happy with life in general than those who are divorced or single. Marriage is a lifelong commitment that has many benefits for those involved.

Marrying for love is something that has been around for ages and should not be thrown to the wayside. Marriage is a sacred tradition, one that should be taken advantage of for years to come and a way to grab your partners hand and show them, truly, that you are in this thing called life together. Be pessimistic all you want, but the fact is that marriage has many benefits, and although it may not be for everyone, it is something everyone should think about.

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